Posts tagged personal
Posts tagged personal
Family weekend: Milly, Mouna, Molly, Mandy, and Magic Pens.
I waited at the bus stop on my way home from work for at least 15 minutes last night. It was late and I was tired and I was doing some dhikr.
At one point I noticed three women walking up to the bus stop with one of them holding her little girl’s hand. The daughter was no older than 3 or 4, a real cutie masha’Allah.
I continued with my dhikr and with each bead click, they came closer. I kept watching the girl mentally comparing her to her mum. Her mum was very light-skinned, probably mixed race but I couldn’t be sure. The girl was darker (I’d hazard a guess that her pops is black) and had the same long curly hair as her mum but black instead of brown. I marveled at how alike her and her mother were. You know, in that slightly strange way where you go, ‘Ah she’s got her mum’s nose and eyes. I wonder if she looks more like her dad.’ Random silly things like that.
I kept watching the group, not staring, just observing and what should happen?
The little girl’s eyes meet mine and she begins to smile as if she recognises me. I defo don’t know the kid but her face splits into the biggest grin and she starts waving at me.
I honestly felt so happy in that moment. I grinned and waved back silently. The mum’s friends looked at me confused, then looked at the girl and laughed. The group walked past and the little girl skipped a little. With her free hand, she grasped the open hand of her mum’s friend.
And that’s it.
I thought to myself the little girl must do this a lot: smile and wave at strangers like we’re her good friends. It was wonderful and sweet and perfectly lovely having this tiny jug of innocence, brimming with genuine happiness, acknowledge my existence.
In the grand scheme of things, it was (seemingly) insignificant. One kid waves at an adult and makes them smile. No big deal. No news flash needed. But in the course of my whole day - my whole week so far, even - this remains vivid.
I’m only writing this now to preserve the memory of what happened; I can reread it some other day, maybe when I’m feeling down, and remember how God manifests His Beauty in the most mundane things.
It truly is the small stuff that counts.
I think I’m getting closer to understanding.
Sometimes it’s easier to keep everyone at bay than to try and explain the sadness, frustration, the utter disappointment.
Just push everyone and everything out. Keep treading water until the waves subside. Don’t forget to smile.
Once the heaviness lightens then it’s back to business as usual.
Sometimes it’s easier to keep everyone at bay. But it isn’t always better.
Never too old for Lego.
Realising you’ve got a lot of growing up to do….
Gonna catch two hours of shut eye.
Then wake up for an opening shift.
Then rush home after said shift so I can get ready for my friend’s sister’s wedding (turn down for what!!!).
We’ll see if we get any decent selfies squeezed in.
Faux pas of the century: trying to type up the remnants of a deeply personal and psychologically confusing dream in a draft (to peruse at a later time when you’re more fully awake and not running late for work) only to find out 12hrs later that you’d *actually* posted it on a public platform for all your followers to read.
Back on my anime game: first up, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.
saadisays this is so lovely!
Black ballpoint doodle/drawing in my A5 sketchpad.
What is Baa’?
A letter or a sentiment?
Is it for warmth
-beit, Baba, Baghdaad-
Or for the beginning of grace:
A poetic scent,
A Persian Bustan,
Or the beginning of hope:
I ask you,
What is baa’?
Tryna make peace with myself.
I have to dig deeper, search harder for some sort of inner strength, a truth that I know but can’t remember.
It’s a painful journey. It hurts because you begin to realise you are not who you thought you were. That pristine image you had in your head was just an illusion. You’re looking into your metaphorical mirror and what you see is quite ugly, weak, pitiful.
You’ve read about this so-called journey, heard about it, in books, on the telly, in the movies, in music, in casual conversations over coffee.
But now you’re starting to see it. Not only see it but experience it. That wretchedness that comes with a fall. Your lowliness, the gaps - oh God, the gaps! - in your very being. The disconnect between your goals and your reality. Perhaps realising you don’t really have any solid goals to begin with. You’re kinda coasting along, not quite present in the moment, just vaguely living in the watery near-future.
It seems bleak but you know that it will pass. It has to because nothing lasts. It’s not even about good days or bad days. They are just days.
The knowledge of love is coming. Be patient. Work hard but be patient.
I’ve just noticed that I’ve been unfollowed by a certain person on Tumblr. I have no idea when it happened but…
Thank God for small mercies.
Now they’ve just got to follow through on Twitter.
I won’t hold my breath.
Persian food appreciation post. Perfect food was perfect, alhamdulillah.
Currently enjoying being mis-educated by L. Hill after hitting it up with some soulful La Havas.