EM JAY says...

She's learning how to drown

Posts tagged personal

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Gonna catch two hours of shut eye.

Then wake up for an opening shift.

Then rush home after said shift so I can get ready for my friend’s sister’s wedding (turn down for what!!!).

We’ll see if we get any decent selfies squeezed in.

Filed under personal

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Faux pas of the century: trying to type up the remnants of a deeply personal and psychologically confusing dream in a draft (to peruse at a later time when you’re more fully awake and not running late for work) only to find out 12hrs later that you’d *actually* posted it on a public platform for all your followers to read.

FML.

Filed under personal ugh I can't even FML is an understatement thank God for 0 notes

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Another stop in the journey

Tryna make peace with myself.

I have to dig deeper, search harder for some sort of inner strength, a truth that I know but can’t remember.

It’s a painful journey. It hurts because you begin to realise you are not who you thought you were. That pristine image you had in your head was just an illusion. You’re looking into your metaphorical mirror and what you see is quite ugly, weak, pitiful.

You’ve read about this so-called journey, heard about it, in books, on the telly, in the movies, in music, in casual conversations over coffee.

But now you’re starting to see it. Not only see it but experience it. That wretchedness that comes with a fall. Your lowliness, the gaps - oh God, the gaps! - in your very being. The disconnect between your goals and your reality. Perhaps realising you don’t really have any solid goals to begin with. You’re kinda coasting along, not quite present in the moment, just vaguely living in the watery near-future.

It seems bleak but you know that it will pass. It has to because nothing lasts. It’s not even about good days or bad days. They are just days.

The knowledge of love is coming. Be patient. Work hard but be patient.

Filed under personal journeying

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I won’t lie, I was missing Marrakech when the plane hadn’t even taken off from the runway at Menara airport but I’m home now. London is home.

Strange how different places and people can fill certain holes in your heart. Alhamdulillah.

Filed under personal

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Better just to ask directly. You might not like the outcome but at least you tried.

Everyone has the right to preserve their personal space so when the answer’s No, just leave it. You do your bit and leave the rest with Allah.

There’s a bigger picture you don’t necessarily see.

Don’t fret - God has your back.

Filed under personal asking for forgiveness islah